An Unexpected Good Bye

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11 years ago today was the last time I spoke to Dave, the man I married. He made the decision to end his life that day and life as I knew it was turned upside down and inside out. Most days it feels like a lifetime ago, and on certain days it feels like it happened yesterday. It’s not something I speak a lot about as it was a time in my life I would not wish upon anyone. What kept me going was a decision made early on in the days that followed that I was too young to allow a tragedy to ruin the rest of my life. The unexpected grief path led me on a journey to explore my spirituality which led me to enjoy sacred site travels around the world that led me to today where I feel more of a sense of inner peace and purpose then I knew the day before.

I am forever grateful to my family and friends who supported me the best they knew how during those days and in the years to follow. For them and for everyone else, whether I knew you earlier or met you after, I treasure our experiences together. Reflecting back, self love, heart connections, laughter, gratitude for the simple pleasures, and a sense of service or purpose has been the best medicine for moving forward.

Being on the Earth is not always easy but it is certainly an adventure. I truly believe each person is doing the best they can given their own experiences and what they know to be true. At the end of the day I can really only be responsible for my own choices. Sure, I wish I would have done many things different. No, I do not feel responsible for others decisions. Yes, I will keep showing up because I have a lot more to contribute. I don’t necessarily fear death, what I do fear is not fully living.

Shared in memory of Dave, he was a gentle soul with a good heart, a sweet smile and a memorable laugh.

Be kind to each other. One never fully knows what battles another is facing within themselves.

Amy Lovelynn

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6 Comments

  • David Bradley Schreiner

    March 30, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    All so true. Life is about the choices we make, we are accountable for our own actions. “Make” life happen , dont let life “happen” to you. Find Joy, and it will set you free, and it only comes form the Lord.

    • Amy Love Lynn

      April 1, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      Excellent advice! Thank you David for the observations. Joy truly is in the journey, not a destination.

  • Martha Giles

    March 30, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Amy, I am so thrilled that you are in this new place of love and peace! I saw this article about losing Dave and I had to see what you wrote. God bless you for having the strength and courage to move through your grief and lift yourself up to a new and positive life.

    I too have healed in so many ways since Danny’s death. You and I had a long struggle and I do appreciate those days as we sorted through the grief and kept moving on. I still facilitate the group in Lewisville and we still have the one in Flower Mound and a third, new one in Denton. So many people are being helped as we were. I credit Flower Mound for helping me find that new direction.

    Good friend, be well and continue being happy and at peace. Much love, Martha G

  • Amy Love Lynn

    April 1, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    Dearest Martha, thank you so much for your heartfelt comments. It was such a heartbreaking journey, yet so many miracles arose from the events such as our paths crossing. I admire the work you have done since to assist others that walk the grief path and for all the wisdom you share. May God continue to light and bless the way to even more joy and peace! Love, Amy

  • Yvon

    July 27, 2017 at 8:56 am

    Hi Amy, I just came here following the link you shared on the Power of Writing Summit. I felt drawn to this particular post, because I can relate.

    But first: I am so sorry for your loss. How devastating it must have been to lose your partner like that and so young. That must have been quite a journey from that place of darkness to where you now are and I commend you for your courage and grace.

    I have been on a journey myself. I lost my younger brother to suicide as well, three years ago. He was 32 at the time. I, along with my family, have been devastated, but I too find my way to a more loving, more compassionate journey, knowing as you said that everybody is doing the best they can, including me.

    Thank you for sharing this personal journey here. It touched my heart.
    Love, Yvon

    • Amy Love Lynn

      July 30, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Dear Yvon,

      Thank you for your kind words and for sharing the loss of your brother. I understand the heartbreak and I feel for your family. Death at any age is hard to process and especially difficult for those left behind to pick up the pieces when in the case of suicide there are generally so many unanswered questions and “what ifs”.

      The one thing I am certain of is that our loved ones were consumed with ending their own pain and had no comprehension of the devastating ripple effects their choice would create. It has been very healing for me to accept that no loved one would ever want us to live out the rest of our days in sorrow and would want us to move forward letting go of any sense of guilt or regret.

      A deeper appreciation for life’s precious moments and a new found compassion for self and others is undoubtedly two of the greatest gifs bestowed upon those who have bravely walked the grief path.

      Love and hugs,
      Amy